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Good communication can resolve any problem even among the cacophony of today's interactions. Conversations between people are at the root of all problems and also integral to solving them.

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The Victim Guest of Honour

on Feb 13

We assume we are misunderstood as often as not. How do I know this so certainly? Because I’m one of the We. From early childhood we have developed ways of doing things. Like those around us we learnt from them. We believe in our ways as they are part of our character – our distinction from all the others. Our ways change from time to time – remember? when we first started to communicate we were very little and very little understood.

So we attempted to understand the other person as we still do even now.

I watched a documentary on the 2003 Tsunami and saw the filming of the tourists who were caught in Thailand and other islands. I thought “what are my little stress issues besides that of digging in rubble to find a missing child? – now THAT’s stress.”

Yet the comparison of one kind of stress or evil to another, or the dismissal of the second prize because it is not the first, or the denial of a piece of music because it has a mistake in it, are all a part of the fundamental ingratitude of men and women who have been inculcated with rigid cultural/ religious beliefs. It is, in my opinion, almost impossible to know how a person is feeling or thinking – until they tell you themselves. This is why asking questions is wiser than making assumptions.

As a five year old I witnessed something that struck me so clearly I can recall every detail of the scene as though it were yesterday. Daddy, Mummy and I were having a special lunch that the hostess gave to introduce a victim of the war to the local community in Canada. She had lost her entire family and all she had possessed. The hostess had invited several other people who had had losses – hoping that they would surely understand her sorrows and thus befriend her. Far from being sad she appeared happy to me who took to her smiles and interest on other people. I remember the shock on the hostess’s face when she announced that if people did not mind she preferred to talk of happy things. Someone had asked her to tell him about the details of her tragedies.

The other guests seemed cross too. One lady there had just lost her son of 10 though her husband and little girl were present at the party. The victim guest of honour, bereft as she was, showed remarkable spirit – she even told a joke about a dog. I didn’t understand jokes usually. She kept saying the word ‘Hoo Ha’ and the dog had a hard time. Moreover she remembered everybody’s name, and was interested – even in me. She asked people why they had not laughed at the joke. When she asked me I said I thought the dog was being bullied.

The quiet of the moments after I said it have been with me to this day.

The woman who had lost but one child was silent and barely polite. Her husband never turned to look at her until the ‘star’ had excused herself for a restroom break – and he said to her then “What a wonderful woman.”

I could see the tears dripping off her chin. Her little black veil (fashionable in the 40’s) hid the fact that she was weeping from the grown-ups But I saw. Her husband had thought to comfort her from within his own agonised state. They were both miles from love. Truth without love is violent. Love without truth is but sentimentality – Hallmark swill. But I didn’t know that then.

It seems that this thought settled in my mind then, that the greatest loss gets the most admiration. After the war many others held to this belief also. I could see it all around me as I progressed through life. The more I suffered great losses the more it appeared to me that I had not yet suffered enough. This chronic way of thinking affected me until recently. It did not even change much when I read books of great wisdom. Clear thoughts played on in the belly of my mind however better I learnt. They played on even as I talked to some wiser men and women than I.

By great fortune I discovered a way to literally have a conversation with my subconscious and rid myself of that hundamental belief with Morty Lefkoe’s programme.

Since those days the smart sets all over the world have introduced phrases like “Uh huh – you and who else?” “Got an issue? here’s a tissue” “Yeah! Right“, “Talk to the Hand” and hundreds of other ways to tell a person that their problem is irrelevant. Which it mostly is – or could we say ‘was’?.

It is so easy go to the opposite extreme of sympathising – maybe prolonging the problem by justifying it, giving it a science name and informing the sufferer that they can’t help it. They are helpless. It’s not their fault. Worse still, people are learning how to make money out of any form of dis-ease, led by the very large pharmacorps who’s very marketplace is the malfunctioning human body. And mind. The more malfunction there is in society the better off they are.

That’s why addicts think they can’t help it when it’s very well known that there are countless examples of people simply putting away childish things – There are an abundance of heroic stories of people overcoming physical and mental difficulties.

I lost the tendency to think that loss made people respect me. It just went. When I think back to the victim guest of honour, now I see someone rising above the expected status quo. She changed something by being happy instead of cross.

Miracles are happening as every day passes by.

There are many tools to assist in the process of re-setting the mind to a condition whereby it is not the boss any more. The objective is to live by common law, free to go where you will and do what you will and harm no creature. By nurturing others in trade and using honest money to create value, we shall rear our young in harmony, intelligence and honour. We shall create wealth as will everyone else.

That is how Nature thrives and we shall thrive naturally.

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