THE PERFECT 8

Welcome to the course book 'How to Communicate' in 8 chapters. Write engaging documents and have enjoyable interactions with people in the kitchen, office or on stage.

Good communication can resolve any problem even among the cacophony of today's interactions. Conversations between people are at the root of all problems and also integral to solving them.

Please read the foreword first and then we wish you a fun journey in the art of communication.

Ideas on this site are free. What it took to get them to you is given freely also. In future we shall sell books and audio books.

DISCUSSIONS FREE FROM CONTENTION

on Jan 28

When you want to raise an issue – in other words a collection of ideas – set the context lightly. (example ‘on the issue of banks nowadays I’d like to hear what you think the people themselves can do about it’) Lead the discussion with one idea. ‘Banks nowadays is an issue that encompasses many ideas. Pick one.

Listen to the person or people you are talking to with a view to understanding, Setting et the context should stem the arguing (agreement / disagreement.) A debate can easily fall into arguing when you attempt to convince others of your “rightness” with a view to converting them to a different point of view from your own. Keep the emphasis on the PERSON you are talking to. If you are in front of an audience it is the context or subject of the talk that got them there.

Make it clear why you are talking to the person and what you want to achieve. No need to (often painfully) go through this to the other person – just know for yourself the intention behind the conversation.

Pay attention. Wandering eyes, clock watching or adjusting your clothes or hair are clear indications of inattention.. When you listen carefully rather than letting your mind wander you can get what they are saying more exactly. Many people try to second guess what the other person is saying half way through their comment and assume they already know what the other person wants to say. This leads to having a response at the ready which may be completely different to an appropriate response. Pause before responding rather than butting in to finish their sentence for them.

Stay with mutual interests. When you listen you can identify and understand the other person’s values and interests which may change from day to day depending on what they have just read or viewed on a screen. They will understand an interest that you both hold The plethora of underlying fears and hopes that you both carry into the conversation can take you to different realms sometimes outside the understanding of either party.

Separate yours or the other person’s suggested solutions on the topic from the topic itself. Otherwise the understanding cannot be carried forward or duplicated.

Avoiding self expression or any need to be understood, open up the conversation to stories of your own experience – revealing why you believe what you believe. Sharing your truth (personal experience) creates a platform of understanding upon which to engage by asking a question. The response allows them to acknowledge the idea itself and takes the emphasis away from either party. Acknowledging another person’s ego can be an uncomfortable thing to do because stroking egos usually heralds manipulation or a hidden agenda.

When disagreements occur, listen harder. You’ll often find that the problem is a gap in yours or their knowledge of the events in your own lives that lead either of you to holding firm to a position arising from a belief.

Optimism and enthusiasm are in short supply and take the conversation to a wider context. Ignore auto-cynicism and press led skepticism as it does not contribute, will obviate solutions and in the end it means nothing. When the point has been made hold the optimism in your heart and mind and allow the communication to hang in the air.

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